Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Luckily, This is Satire

Starting this October, you will be able to get your tires, groceries, and hour of worship all in the same place once Wal-mart Superstores begin offering non-denominational church services on Sundays and Wednesdays.

"We are all about offering great products and services to consumers every day, and we think our new church services will give customers one more reason to shop and stay at Wal-mart," said John Fleming,vice president and chief marketing officer for Wal-mart Stores Division.

According to Fleming, the company's latest market research shows that 90 percent of Wal-mart shoppers identify themselves as Christians, and 60 percent of that group said they attend church at least once a month. As a result, Wal-mart Superstores across the country are adding chapels that seat 75 worshippers. Numerous hour-long church services will run from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sundays, and one evening service will be offered on Wednesday nights. Wal-mart greeters and cashiers, who have been certified through various online theological seminaries, will be in place this fall to serve as ministers, music directors, and counselors.

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