With the recent election of Pope Benedict XVI, formerly known as the Oktoberfest-blessing dipsophile Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, the question foremost in the minds of the faithful is: in which direction will he lead the Catholic Church?

The Boston College reproductive rights advocate Andy Rooney made an incoherent attack upon the Catholic Church's ban on Tourette's Syndrome.

(insert some quote from Andrew 'Randy Andy' Sullivan)

One of the most pressing problems of world religions today is whether Catholicism can change to meet the demands of crappy religion coverage in the media, or fade into further irrelevancy. Only wizened interpreters of the utterly infallible prophecies of St. Malachy will be able to judge if this papacy is a success.